The Restaurante at the End of the Mummy
by Snow2387
Summary: The long anticipated sequel to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Mummy. Very funny. Still incomplete. Enjoy.
1. I

5000 BC Ancient Egypt Frankie Mouse was one evil mouse. He wanted to rule the world and was a fierce warrior, biting his opponent's heels and making them run away in fear. He and his rats of NIMH went to Egypt to try and beat the Egyptians. But, the Egyptians were ready and had the ferocious secret weapon of them all. The Pied Piper. He played his song and all the rats and Frankie followed him out to the dessert, where they realized they would die. The local Starbucks would not serve them; they feared it would hurt their business to have mice and rats eating. All the rats died out except Frankie.  
  
Frankie lay in the middle of the desert, preparing to die but still not giving up. He yelled out to the G-d he believed in, "Oh, evil g-d that I believe in, I will give my soul if you help me defeat the Egyptians." With that, he ate a nearby sprig of parsley, to confirm the promise. An entire army, the spirit army of the elephants, who quickly trampled and defeated the Egyptians, backed him up suddenly. Frankie then lost his soul to the underworld because he had gotten his wish and the elephants went with him. There was an ugly pinkie ring that Frankie always wore and only it remained, showing that he had existed. It is said that if that pinkie ring is found, the mouse king, Frankie himself, will be brought back with his army and defeat the whole world. But these day, no one believes that kind of bs. 


	2. am

1932 AD Liverpool "Now would you look at this!" remarked Fenchurch, holding up what she had found. "What about it?" asked Ford, "It's a Starbucks wrapper." "I know, but why is it in ancient Egyptian?" "Good question." Arthur jumped into the conversation, putting his arms around his wife and kissing her (that's one).  
  
Arthur and Fenchurch went inside the pyramid they were standing outside to look for more stuff. Ford stayed outside, he needed to "guard" his wine. He took a long drink and was suddenly startled by a shriek. He turned around slowly, not knowing what to expect. Random had broken a nail. He sighed, hoping that she was just going through a phase. He took another drink. Random went up to him and said, "Are we leaving soon? This place is really lame." "Always you negative be must?" stammered Ford, who was drunk already. "Yep"  
  
Meanwhile, Arthur and Fenchurch were having a much more interesting time. They went down into the lower levels and looked around. They didn't see much at first, so they used the opportunity alone to kiss (two), and walked around some more. Fenchurch walked up to what looked like a door, turned the knob and went inside. Arthur was shocked, "Fenny! How did you know how to do that?" "Well you know what I say, if it looks like a door and smells like a door, it probably is a door. "Oh."  
  
Random was pissed off. She had yelled "I HATE YOU!" at her uncle and he didn't seem to care. No one seemed to care what she thought after she said it the millionth time. Life is tough for rebellious bratty teenagers who get everything they want. She saw guys headed towards the pyramid, and followed them, thinking she might get to flirt. But once she saw that they were about 50 years old and fat, she decided she would just get the guns that they were carrying and point at her parents, maybe she could use them to hold up the nearby Starbucks. Minutes before, Fenchurch and Arthur had found a chest. Arthur paused, and turned to Fenchurch and said, "Are you sure we should open this?" To this she responded, "Of course, nothing bad ever came from opening a chest that says on it in large not so friendly letters to not open it." "Well, why don't you at least read the curse so you'll know what we're in for?" "Oh, alright. It says, whoever opens this chest will run away in fear and later be involved in a story with a lame plot. Well that doesn't sound so bad. With that, she opened it. Inside was a pinky ring, but they hardly had time to marvel at its ugliness before some ugly guys with guns surrounded them. Arthur yelled, "Look over there!" They looked. Arthur and Fenchurch ran off with the chest, grabbed Random and Ford and left to go back to their home in England. 


	3. a

Chapter 3 Islington Workers were digging and they were quite dirty. Trisha watched them dig, and smiled in an evil way, rubbing her hands together, since that's the kind of thing that evil people do. The workers continued to dig, they found many signs in ancient Egyptian warning them to not dig here and go away but they continued. Finally they found a bump and out of the ground popped a bunch of scarab beetles, which ate the workers nearby. Trisha waited for them to finish with the workers and continue on to the bathroom to eat the poop, since that is what scarab beetles eat. Trisha walked down into where they were digging, bent down and got the book that had been uncovered. The algebra textbook. Trisha grinned. She picked up the book. She grinned again. 


	4. sexy

Chapter 4 Arthur, Fenchurch, Ford and Random returned home. There Arthur and Fenchurch happily kissed (three) and Random yelled, "Ewww! Old people kissing!" Arthur looked at Random and he looked very confused and remarked, "Who?"  
  
Meanwhile, the ugly dudes went to Islington, there they told Trisha, who had hired them to get the pinky ring, that they had screwed up. Trisha looked pissed and one of them meekly said that these other British people had gotten it. Trisha threw a hissy fit, demanding to know who. Suddenly, a voice came out of nowhere and said, "Arthur and Fenchurch Dent are currently in possession of the ring." "Who was that?" exclaimed Trisha. Wonko, disguised as one of the diggers covered his mouth in embarrassment. He was spying to make sure Zaphod was not risen again, and he had not meant to say that. He thought to himself, "It sure stinks being a dolphin, you have no inner monologue." Of course, he said that out loud too and quickly fled in embarrassment.  
  
Ford stammered around drunk, going up to his room. He noticed Trisha and a bunch of people waiting for him there. "Oh!" he squealed, "A surprise party, thank you so much guys, but why the costumes?" Trisha proceeded to throw a spoon at Ford, to shut him up, which he did because he fell down. Fenchurch and Arthur ran in, upon hearing the thunk of Ford hitting the ground. Arthur saw the people who were searching the room and said to himself, "Looks like it's time to open up a can of whoop-ass!" Fenchurch heard Arthur mutter this to himself, grinned at the idiocy and started swinging her fists to attack the people, while grunting. (Sorry Fenchurch, people grunt in tennis, not fighting) Meanwhile, Random noticed the box with the pinkie ring. She opened it and put on the ring, marveling at its ugliness. Once she was done, she couldn't get it off, and began to panic. Suddenly she had a vision of the Starbucks near the ancient city of Pavlov. She didn't have much time to think about how little she cared about that before she heard some loud noises and ran outside. Arthur and Fenchurch were fighting with Trisha's workers. Fenchurch bitch-slapped Trisha impressively, while Arthur kicked everyone. Ford eventually came to and started fighting too. "Geez Fenny, "he remarked upon seeing Fenchurch bitch slapping like a natural, "where did you learn how to do that?" "I don't know, instinct I guess. Don't call me Fenny." "Oh." Arthur kept on hitting and kicking the bad guys and randomly threw himself out a window to escape, taking Ford with him. Fenchurch was left alone with the bad guys. (Uh oh) Ford, Arthur and Random stood outside, taking inventory of their injuries. Ford bragged to Arthur about his nasty gash. Random looked around, noticing that something was missing. "I think something is missing," she declared. Arthur and Ford looked at each other and simultaneously came to the same conclusion, which was, "We forgot our towels!" Random rolled her eyes, what is with them and towels? "no," she commented, "I think Mom's missing. A car went by at about 2 miles an hour, and Fenchurch yelled out an open window, "ARTHUR!" Arthur chased after the car, but couldn't keep up and was soon out of breath. He noticed a bumper sticker on the car that read, "I break for museum curators," and knew that the person driving the car worked at the museum next door. He yelled, "To the museum!" and they went there to save Fenchurch. Ford and Random stayed behind to protect the car from being dinged by careless parkers. Suddenly, Wonko jumped down for a rafter and joined Arthur on his quest to save Fenchurch. If you're wondering how he got there, you should seriously mind your own business and get a life. They raced down the hall to where they saw a bunch of weirdos.. they were. they were.. raising Zaphod! Fenchurch was about to be sacrificed, Arthur planned on yelling, "Noooo!!!!!!" but decided there was not enough time. He and Wonko attacked. 


	5. biatch

Now that we're at an exciting bit, I should tell you some things that will not interest you at all. Why is Random so bitter? She's annoyed with everything. An excerpt from her diary, "Dear Diary, Life sucks. You only listen to me because I paid for you. Well, f-off. Love, Random." The real reason Randmo is pissed is for a reason everyone should be pissed, but only the egotistical ones are. She is pissed because she is not significant enough to be mentioned while taking the effort to spell her name correctly. No one is, really, so from here on out I shall refer to everyone using Kiddie Spelling(. This is how I choose to explain my typo, rather than go back and fix it. Because you, dear reader, are also not significant enough to merit exerting enough effort to change my typo for. Now. On to the next bit, which is rather funny in my opinion and does not have Mavrin in it, or Athrur and Fnecuhrch having sex, for that matter. 


	6. 

This chapter is by Debra, who does merit having her name spelled correctly. As Rnadom walked down the moonlit path, she was startled by a large black bird. Not blackbird. Simply a bird that was black. This is an important point to overstress because the bird was not of any genus or species known to the inhabitants of Earht (except for the mice). This was, in fact, the new edition of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Version 4.1), therefore not a blackbird per se. Q.E.D. Quid pro quo. Carpe diem. Anyway, Ranodm jumped back in surprise, simultaneously throwing a rock at the black-hued bird. The bird disappeared in a puff of logic and Arndom went on to get herself killed at the next zebra crossing. There is no nineteenth story and there is no Miss Zraves. End scene. 


End file.
